I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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