somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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