Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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