did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
