If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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