I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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