have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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