PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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