Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
