before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
as a side note pls kill me
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
