The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
