He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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