If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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