I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
