Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
