The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
He felt like a one man threesome
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
