first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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