I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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