Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I want to fling myself into the sun
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
