Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
