Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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