My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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