She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
