That's intense
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
