3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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