I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
you had me at cake vodka
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
