This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
this must be what syphilis tastes like
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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