My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
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