i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
