I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
