dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
2020 sucks, I want a refund
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
