I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
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