i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
