with your own penis?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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