I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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