Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Randomize
