dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
