The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
