glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
