So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
