Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
