I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
