You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Randomize
