He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
