I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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