I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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