There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
