Banned from zoo.
Again?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Randomize
