Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Randomize
