It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
