I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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