I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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