To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
wat bout pragnant strippers??
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
