found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
