Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
